How to ACTUALLY win at dating games.

Raise your hand if you’re a fan of first dates. First dates that we’re actually excited about are typically a source of constant anxiety and nerves… and not for no reason. The most likely scenario is a couple of hours of disjointed “What about you”s and forced laughter. And they have cilantro stuck between their front teeth. But what about when we find someone that we actually hit it off with? She’s smart, charming, and actually shares your admittedly sick sense of humor. You have the same background, values, and you’ve never felt so comfortable with someone so quickly. No …

The damaging stories we tell ourselves.

I’m too picky… I’m too busy… She’s not cute… how convenient. Be honest with yourself – have you uttered those phrases before to get out of doing something? This is representative of the types of excuses that we often make for ourselves. It’s a carefully constructed façade and defense mechanism to keep our egos and pride intact… in an arena (dating) where it is impossible to do so and succeed simultaneously. But we can back up for a second to get some more concrete examples of what I mean: “Too busy” to try out for the basketball team, so you …

Align your love languages for maximum fulfillment.

Miscommunications are a side effect of relationships… and not even the Brady Bunch can avoid them. Sometimes when we’re just trying to convey that the dishes weren’t washed too well, the main message may fall by the wayside as a result of your body language, tone of voice, facial expression… mood, time of day, stress levels. Miscommunication-ville. Sometimes it’s a wonder that we communicate as well as we do, given how much reading between the lines is required on a daily basis! But being aware of your love languages (in the manner popularized by Gary Chapman) is one surefire way …

Finding Ms. Right Now online – a how to.

We all come to online dating looking for different things. Sometimes we’re just looking for a night of wild monkey sex, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just be safe, y’all. So how do you get there? You never want to be deceptive about your intentions, lie to women, or manipulate them in any regard. Online dating already has that stereotype, so you’re already working against it! Anything conscious on your part to do so wouldn’t be great. That said… I don’t recommend that you write your profile any differently whatsoever (and definitely never check that casual sex box). Here’s …

How do I get OFFline with her?

Get prepared to take notes, because this is an incredibly nuanced question with no simple answer. Just kidding. It might surprise (and comfort) you to know that this is an incredibly common question that I get asked… and it also has one of the most simple answers. Here’s the secret: just do it. You’re on a dating site, not a pen pal site. Ain’t nobody got time to sift through dozens of messages and beat around the bush. It’s a pretty widely known expectation that women want men to take charge in terms of dating… and no matter how unfair …

The art of the online brag. Part 2.

Don’t brag about things that people can contradict in your profile. For example, if you write that you love to dress up, you better have pictures proving it. Or, if you write that you are a grammar nazi, you better not have any grammatical errors. Often when people brag, they use congruent body language and/or tone of voice. If you would say it in person with a big shit-eating grin, don’t use it online. A better alternative is almost always false modesty, otherwise known as a humblebrag which at first glance is a putdown of yourself, but is actually a …

The art of the online brag

Online dating, for the numerous interpretations of human behavior you could assess to it, is but one thing at its core. It is a marketplace that is driven through sales. So how do you sell yourself, or brag, effectively online and through writing? First, two universal truths: No one likes a braggart. No one likes too much modesty or low self-esteem. How do you find a balance? Here is a set of guidelines for you to follow when positioning yourself as the ripest avocado in the store: People don’t typically outright brag; it’s almost always in a funny or self-deprecating …

The prime image rebooting hack.

I often talk about rebooting images with clients, a slightly more fancy phrase for a holistic mind/body makeover. It’s a tough process for many, and ultimately the advice I seem to give most frequently is to “fake it ’til you make it.” I find that the underlying psychological and mental barriers are a bit easier to work out once self-esteem and identity is somewhat restored. Here’s the easiest hack I’ve ever come up with in my years of consulting: Step 1: Think of the ultimate male/female you want to embody. Not necessarily physically, but their personality and attitude towards life. …