Dating Apps, Rejection, and Hooking Up

Thanks to KALW radio, especially host Joseph Pace and producer Sarah Stodder, for inviting me to speak on dating apps and modern dating. The World of Dating Apps – KALW Radio A very brief summary of the in-depth discussion after the break:

5 Mistakes Guys Make When Messaging Women Online

Remember that Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan classic from 1998, You’ve Got Mail? That was online dating in its true infancy. For context, a little company called Google was also founded in 1998… So what has changed in the world of online dating since? We’ve got fancier and more sleek looking apps and websites as opposed to clunky chatrooms. Mobile has taken the forefront of innovation. We’ve curiously become simultaneously more instant gratification-driven (Tinder) yet desire curation (from Coffee Meets Bagel, to Tawkify and Three Day Rule). But sadly, in my experience as a dating and online dating coach, it …

The ONE profile picture you cannot do without.

[Originally appeared at the Coffee Meets Bagel blog] “Make sure you have a wide range of pictures to show your personality!” Probably something you’ve heard before. I don’t know… the concept of the picture checklist – a social picture to show that you’re not a shut-in an outdoorsy picture to show your sense of adventure an activity picture to show your physical fitness, etc. – is so… 2011, for lack of a better term. Now that online dating is slightly out of its infancy, we’ve learned a little bit more about what actually works and what doesn’t.

Your first message should be purely functional.

[Originally posted at the Coffee Meets Bagel blog] Often with online dating, we wait to message someone because we are hunting for the perfect opener. An hour goes by… then a day… then a couple more… and then, wait! Is it too late to message now? Cue the wallowing in self-pity and hail Mary message that reeks of panic and desperation. Analysis paralysis is very real in online dating. While there are highly-optimized and better message options than the “Hey” “Sup bb” and “how r u”s of the world (Refer to my CMB book or contact me for more detail, …

The 5 Fundamental Texting Commandments

[Originally appeared at the Coffee Meets Bagel Blog] Online dating can be a serious grind at times. Even on CMB, where your daily matches are highly curated and personalized to your network and tastes! Can’t we just meet people organically and naturally within our daily lives? Oh, you mean the daily life where you’re not in school, working full-time, and mostly just head home after work? Yeah… good luck with that. It’s 2014, and if you haven’t noticed yet, online dating is the new organic! By the time you are connected on CMB, the goal should be to begin a …

Upgrade your profile with these 3 easy steps.

You are laid back and like to laugh? Check. Can’t live without coffee or your iPhone? Check. Grainy, 3-year old pictures of yourself pulled from Facebook? Most definitely check. Are you guilty of using any of those phrases or pictures? If so, this post might be for you. If you’ve only narrowly avoided the aforementioned by using pictures that are only 2 years old, or describing yourself as merely “chill”… well this post is definitely still for you. Hell, if you have any interest in raising your reply rates by a substantial percentage, this post is for you. How’s that …

The damaging stories we tell ourselves.

I’m too picky… I’m too busy… She’s not cute… how convenient. Be honest with yourself – have you uttered those phrases before to get out of doing something? This is representative of the types of excuses that we often make for ourselves. It’s a carefully constructed façade and defense mechanism to keep our egos and pride intact… in an arena (dating) where it is impossible to do so and succeed simultaneously. But we can back up for a second to get some more concrete examples of what I mean: “Too busy” to try out for the basketball team, so you …

Finding Ms. Right Now online – a how to.

We all come to online dating looking for different things. Sometimes we’re just looking for a night of wild monkey sex, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just be safe, y’all. So how do you get there? You never want to be deceptive about your intentions, lie to women, or manipulate them in any regard. Online dating already has that stereotype, so you’re already working against it! Anything conscious on your part to do so wouldn’t be great. That said… I don’t recommend that you write your profile any differently whatsoever (and definitely never check that casual sex box). Here’s …

How do I get OFFline with her?

Get prepared to take notes, because this is an incredibly nuanced question with no simple answer. Just kidding. It might surprise (and comfort) you to know that this is an incredibly common question that I get asked… and it also has one of the most simple answers. Here’s the secret: just do it. You’re on a dating site, not a pen pal site. Ain’t nobody got time to sift through dozens of messages and beat around the bush. It’s a pretty widely known expectation that women want men to take charge in terms of dating… and no matter how unfair …

The art of the online brag. Part 2.

Don’t brag about things that people can contradict in your profile. For example, if you write that you love to dress up, you better have pictures proving it. Or, if you write that you are a grammar nazi, you better not have any grammatical errors. Often when people brag, they use congruent body language and/or tone of voice. If you would say it in person with a big shit-eating grin, don’t use it online. A better alternative is almost always false modesty, otherwise known as a humblebrag which at first glance is a putdown of yourself, but is actually a …