Get prepared to take notes, because this is an incredibly nuanced question with no simple answer.
Just kidding.
It might surprise (and comfort) you to know that this is an incredibly common question that I get asked… and it also has one of the most simple answers.
Here’s the secret: just do it.
You’re on a dating site, not a pen pal site. Ain’t nobody got time to sift through dozens of messages and beat around the bush. It’s a pretty widely known expectation that women want men to take charge in terms of dating… and no matter how unfair that is, it’s no different with online dating.
Chances are, you’re NOT going to (1) be sly enough to charm her into asking you out, or (2) stumble upon the perfect line that puts you out there without a chance for rejection… so sooner or later you’re just going to have to bite the bullet and put yourself out there!
Easier said than done, I know. Rejection is painful, even online, but it’s a necessary part of growth and being able to take advantage of dating
Once we get past the rejection part, asking someone out is incredibly easy. “Hey, what are you doing Thursday? Want to get together at X bar at 8pm for drinks?” Done.
Of course… how do you get past rejection?
First of all, in the context of online dating, if you’ve been messaging someone for a week, she’s probably sitting on her hands and just waiting for you to message you. The date is yours to lose at this point!
But rejection at large?
Frankly, you never do completely get over it. But it’s important to realize that most reasons for rejection aren’t even related to you, and shouldn’t be taken personally.
So if rejection isn’t tied to you, what does it relate to in online dating? (1) How you wrote your profile, (2) some random line in your profile that didn’t resonate with her, (3) her seeing someone else, (4) her being legitimately busy, (5) you being 1 inch too short for her superficial references, and the list goes on. These things don’t matter in the grand scheme and aren’t a reflection of you at all. The most personal it could get is that it’s an insult to how well you play the online dating game… which isn’t going to offend that many people (sans yours truly).
The way you actually ask a girl out is very easy. It’s just that there are mental limitations and defenses that prevent us from doing so that freely.
For more on online dating, check out my best-selling online dating guide, or click over here.