You’re bad at eye contact because there is too much tension.
You all know the feeling.
When you lock eyes with someone, a sense of tension starts building in your eyeballs. Sometimes, this means that the longest eye contact you can maintain with someone is 2-3 seconds.
If you can only look at someone for 2-3 seconds, that’s not going to be positive for people’s perception of you. Creepy, shady, uncomfortable, untrustworthy.
The singular aspect of eye contact that most people have to improve is their tolerance of eye contact tension. Tension is the gatekeeper – if you can’t find a way to deal with it, you will forever be staring at someone’s shoes and making a similar impression.
How do you improve your tension tolerance? With good old-fashioned exposure and practice. Start with locking eyes with news anchors on television. Meet their gaze and get familiar with the tense feeling. Then move to the mirror and stare into your own eyes.
Finally, try locking eye contact with others while you’re wearing sunglasses. Make sure they can’t see your eyes. Get used to the tension in a safe space and increase your tolerance!