Let’s face it, the extrovert ideal is pretty much society’s conception of an attractive, confident male. He tells stories, makes people laugh, and generally works the room like a social butterfly. When you think of the ultimate alpha male, it’s almost always an extrovert, isn’t it?
But that’s very few of us innately, so does that mean that we’re destined to be less attractive in the eyes of our potential mates? Of course not.
One of the greatest myths is that the extrovert is automatically the most attractive man in the room.
Introverts have a wide range of strengths, and it just takes a bit of knowhow in navigating their weaknesses to date better and more effectively.
It just so happens that one of the introvert’s strengths is in relating to people one-on-one… and isn’t that what makes up the majority of actual dating?
First, actually show interest.
It’s a universal issue, but it is somewhat harder for introverts to show interest in the opposite sex.
Introverts tend to be subtle because they are more thoughtful, which often means that they are very self-aware and self-conscious as well.
Very rarely in dating do we give out flashing red and green lights as to what we are thinking, but the introvert’s lights are pretty much all in shades of grey. Sometimes it’s impossible to know what they are thinking because they are giving off hints in the subtlest way possible – and even that feels bold to them.
An introvert’s mountain is often an extrovert’s molehill.
So whatever verbal hints you are dropping about being interested, amp them up to the tenth degree.
Second, spend time together alone or silently.
Dating, while inherently social, doesn’t have to be non stop banter for hours.
Romantic chemistry also looks different to everyone – don’t assume that only the flowing conversation you’d see in a Gilmore Girls episode is what everyone desires.
Spending time together alone or silently is a great way to integrate an introvert’s comfort zones into dating, and there are many socially acceptable ways to do this.
For example, hiking, sports, puzzles, movies, crafts, bowling. Pretty much anything that doesn’t sit you down across from a date and force constant conversation can be beneficial for introverts in dating.
And if the girl is also an introvert? You’ve just put yourself on the same page as her!
Third, embrace your comfort zones.
Introverts can occasionally run into the slight problem that they’ll never cross paths with each other because neither of them will be out long enough.
That’s because introverts aren’t necessarily drawn to gatherings and occasions for the value of pure social interaction. They are more drawn to gatherings based on secondary reasons like hobbies and interests – reasons that take the focus off constant interaction.
This is where the beauty of online dating really shines – introverts can cater to their strengths of fostering deep connection with people, but without having to brave situations that they don’t prefer such as exhausting parties or bar crawls.
There are similar comfort zones for introverts in activity-based gatherings, such as trivia nights and playing sports.
Fourth, pass the mirror test.
Introverts can often come across as unapproachable or standoffish just because they are not effusively warm and welcoming to people.
If you’ve ever had people tell you to “smile more” or ask if you’re okay unnecessarily, learn to pass the mirror test and make sure that you don’t have a resting angry face or body posture.
Stand in front of the mirror and act out the ways that you might flirt with someone.
Do you see consistency? Are you communicating what you want? Is any message getting through at all? Are your facial expressions expressive or just a poker face?
The whole point here is that your subtle, self-aware, introverted hints to the opposite sex probably don’t constitute flirting. You are probably too inside your own head, and impart a lot of value and meaning to small gestures that aren’t always picked up by others. Make them more visible.
Introverts are often confused by dating because the vast majority of dating advice is centered around one’s ability to be extroverted, or tell people to ‘fake it ‘til you make it.’ That’s just not very helpful for most people to hear.
When introverts attempt to follow this advice, they end up frustrated and thinking that there is something wrong with them because they don’t like things that “everyone loves.”
Introverts should feel free to take most conventional ideas on how to date with a grain of salt, and just focus on taking advantage of the strengths that they uniquely possess.
Originally posted at Simple Pickup