Throughout my writings, I often allude to the fact that men are less emotionally open, vulnerable, and perceptive. Women are less sexually expressive, desiring, and open. Generally speaking, of course.
The annoying part about this is that there is a near-complete overlap between those suppressions and what each sex feels is lacking from their ideal relationships.
I don’t necessarily believe that women are less sexual creatures inherently. Men are women aren’t necessarily wired that differently. But they are brought up and socialized incredibly differently.
From childhood, men are taught to be stoic, tough, not show emotions, not cry, and to simply “man up” when a tough situation arises. If they aren’t able to do so, it’s a jab at their masculinity and very identity as a modern male. Emotional intimacy and vulnerability are weaknesses that must be hidden and covered up.
At the same time, they are encouraged to be virile conquerors of women. So it’s no wonder that men often have issues being vulnerable, even to the woman in their life.
Likewise, women from birth have been taught to suppress their sexuality, slut-shame, preserve false modesty, downplay their libidos, and otherwise act the part of “the lady.” They are encouraged to open up emotionally to their friends, and socialize with empathy and sympathy. They are caretakers and nurturers, damnit!
Of course there’s a double standard here, but what else do we notice about how we are conditioned?
The traits and attributes that men and women have been taught to desire the most is exactly what society has taught the other sex to suppress.
No, this isn’t a post about undoing years of gender role socialization.
Rather, it’s about understanding exactly what you’re up against when you ask your woman to simply “want sex more” and other such phrases. It’s going against so many of her built in defense mechanisms, her upbringing, the years of potential ridicule and shaming from female friends. If you’re able to get her to open up sexually in a free manner, it will likely be one of the first times she’s ever done it, so you’ll need to practice patience.
She’s likely going to be amazingly out of her comfort zone, so you must cultivate a safe space for her to be sexually open with you.
Likewise with you and how forthcoming you are with your emotional intimacy and vulnerability.