I’m too picky… I’m too busy… She’s not cute… how convenient.

Be honest with yourself – have you uttered those phrases before to get out of doing something?

This is representative of the types of excuses that we often make for ourselves. It’s a carefully constructed façade and defense mechanism to keep our egos and pride intact… in an arena (dating) where it is impossible to do so and succeed simultaneously.

But we can back up for a second to get some more concrete examples of what I mean:

“Too busy” to try out for the basketball team, so you don’t.

That girl is “fugly” so you’re not going to talk to her.

You need to be in better shape so you’re waiting until that happens to date.

The pattern is one of avoidance, and it’s a feeling that we all innately know.

If we don’t put ourselves out there, we lack the opportunity for failure! Our self-esteem and ego remains intact, because we all know that if that girl was hot you would have chatted her up and gotten her phone number easily… right? We see this in all aspects of our lives, but the scariest one to get over is undoubtedly in the dating sphere, because a rejection there is essentially a rejection of the essence of you… sometimes a tough pill to swallow.

But this lack of chutzpah and willingness to take rejection on the chin has been quite a boon for today’s dating apps. Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, Hinge… many aspects of the current iterations of OkCupid and Match. The genius of the mutual matches only system has made dating incredibly rejection-free and safe, for lack of a better word.

It’s gotten people that were previously paralyzed with self-doubt into the dating pool that wouldn’t be there otherwise. It’s part of the reason I love online date coaching so much – it’s opened the doors for so many people that wouldn’t fare as well in a face-to-face interaction through no fault of their own. Everyone has their strengths, and different dating mediums showcase different people’s strengths.

In a lesson that probably applies to every industry and venture one can undertake: low investment + low risk = an open mind. And bedroom door.