I haven’t always been good (decent, not terrible, whatever) with women. In fact, there was a very distinct turning point in college where I decided that I wasn’t living up to my full potential… so I began working towards it.
It was a process.
And that’s where Jane comes in.
Funnily enough, I met her at the beginning of the semester after taking a seat next to her in a class on human sexuality. This was the perfect storm, folks, as that was my semester of willful change.
I began eating healthier, shedding weight, and dressing better. But the biggest change that paid the most dividends was how I acted with my female friends… and Jane.
During the first half of the semester, I was still stuck in my passive, nice guy mindset. I was interesting and courteous enough that Jane still sat next to me every day, so that was a positive. But I could sense that she would never consider me as a potential romantic mate, which irked me.
So I began teasing her and making fun of her.
I didn’t shy down from disagreeing with her.
I wasn’t afraid to break the touch barrier.
I made suggestive jokes about our class material.
Most of all, I took her off the pedestal that I had created for her and simply viewed myself as the same plane as her. And guess how she responded? With 100x more excitement to see me every day. And eventually inviting me out for drinks later that semester.
The lesson I gleaned from this amazingly scientific and controlled experiment I conducted was that women like nice guys, but “nice” all too often overlaps with “boring” and “I like her so I don’t want to offend her in any way possible.”
We can be better than that.