Allow us to step outside the world of online dating for a second and examine real world human dynamics. Every female that is single probably has at least 3 male friends that are lurking, by which I mean that they would date them, or at least hook up with them, given the right opportunity. How many males that are single can say that they are so desired?
This disparity follows into the online dating world, where it is magnified exponentially by the simple laws of supply and demand – females are always in high demand, so their supply will be lacking.
So for even the most attractive men, online dating is a numbers game.
Let’s take OkCupid’s numbers. OkCupid has repeatedly stated that the average reply rate for males hovers around 10-20%. A reply rate approaching 30-40% is considered to be doing very well, and a reply rate approaching 50% and above makes you a rockstar.
As a result, failure is inevitable even with highly-optimized profiles. And here comes the psuedo pep-talk…
Simply realize that these women are not actually judging you. They are judging your profile and your ability to play the online game, along with:
- A sliver of your personality that, for whatever reason, didn’t pique their curiosity.
- Completely shallow and superficial factors (I once heard a lament, “He seemed cool, but he was only 5’10 and I like to date only 6’ and taller.”)
- Reasons unrelated to you, such as the woman becoming serious with someone else.
- Literally nothing. Through an account deactivation rate of 5-10%, and the sheer weight of their other messages and conversations, many women simply won’t even get a chance to read your message.
I can help you optimize, tweak, and hack your profile and ability to play the game, but you’ll still have to combat discouragement and adopt the mentality of conquering the percentages. Developing your ability to casually brush off rejection is half the battle to success at online dating.