Nice guys don’t finish last, guys with Nice Guy Syndrome do.

Nice guys finish last. It’s a popular saying many guys use to justify their spot on the totem pole of women they desire. It’s also a misconception that’s up there with Obama’s origin of birth. What’s a nice guy? Nice guys are generally awesome – they’ll pick you up from the airport, help you with your groceries, and volunteer to go on a beer run if necessary. Other guys like nice guys, and women certainly like nice guys. Most self-proclaimed nice guys are actually just afflicted with Nice Guy Syndrome, and feel like they are cheated out of a fair …

Dating Apps, Rejection, and Hooking Up

Thanks to KALW radio, especially host Joseph Pace and producer Sarah Stodder, for inviting me to speak on dating apps and modern dating. The World of Dating Apps – KALW Radio A very brief summary of the in-depth discussion after the break:

3 Communication Tips to Increase Emotional Intimacy and Prevent Conflict

From our youth, we’ve heard that communication is the bedrock and foundation upon which any healthy relationship is built. Nothing else even comes close, not even that 21-year old yoga instructor that is “up for anything.” Significant others fill a myriad of roles, most of which are characterized by the ability to openly and honestly communicate. Best friend? Check. Biggest cheerleader and supporter? Check. Confidant? Check. Lover? Check and double check. Nothing new here, right? Except the problem is that for how much communication is rightfully emphasized, we’re never taught exactly how to foster and nurture such a relationship with …

4 Ways To Plan A Date She Can’t Wait To Tell Her Friends About

Being immensely in touch with my emotional side and comfortable with my sexuality, I watch The Bachelor (a reality television dating show) regularly. In my opinion, there’s really no bang for buck better entertainment value than shows like that. And of course, working professionally in dating and relationships, there are some startling lessons we can gain from such a show. Primarily, chemistry can absolutely, 100% be created. On The Bachelor, the participants are sent on some objectively crazy-ass dates with the bachelor. Against all odds and logic, every one of them ends up falling head over heels for him while …

5 Mistakes Guys Make When Messaging Women Online

Remember that Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan classic from 1998, You’ve Got Mail? That was online dating in its true infancy. For context, a little company called Google was also founded in 1998… So what has changed in the world of online dating since? We’ve got fancier and more sleek looking apps and websites as opposed to clunky chatrooms. Mobile has taken the forefront of innovation. We’ve curiously become simultaneously more instant gratification-driven (Tinder) yet desire curation (from Coffee Meets Bagel, to Tawkify and Three Day Rule). But sadly, in my experience as a dating and online dating coach, it …

Is she THE ONE? The only 3 questions that matter.

What truly matters when you’re evaluating whether your current gal is in it to win it… or destined to come up short? In other words, what can you ask yourself to definitely answer if she is THE ONE? Short answer: Nothing. Long, realistic, and nuanced answer: If you’re looking for a magic bullet on this topic, it simply doesn’t exist. Very rarely will you ever come across that singular “A-HA!” moment that’s going to decide the rest of your life for you. You can feel free to chase that feeling, but sooner or later you might just realize that those …

The ‘maybe’ myth (or how to stop wasting time on people that you don’t really want)

Strike the word “maybe” from your relationship vocabulary. This is partially about being efficient and not wasting your precious time. Partially about deciphering what we really mean when we think about people in terms of maybe. But mostly about how to decide whether the person you’re with is worth your time… and it’s a pretty simple process to find out how you really feel. Just ask yourself if you can see being with them long term. “I would be okay with that.” “I can see it.” “Maybe.” Maybe is a myth. Maybe means no.

Why doesn’t she just “want sex more?”

Throughout my writings, I often allude to the fact that men are less emotionally open, vulnerable, and perceptive. Women are less sexually expressive, desiring, and open. Generally speaking, of course. The annoying part about this is that there is a near-complete overlap between those suppressions and what each sex feels is lacking from their ideal relationships. I don’t necessarily believe that women are less sexual creatures inherently. Men are women aren’t necessarily wired that differently. But they are brought up and socialized incredibly differently. From childhood, men are taught to be stoic, tough, not show emotions, not cry, and to …

Are you a nice guy or a people pleaser?

Nice guys always seem to finish last. Or do they? I’ll tell you one thing – women LOVE nice guys. Who doesn’t like being treated well? What women DON’T love is people-pleasers, guys that don’t prioritize themselves, and guys that bend over backwards to cater to their whims and needs. So who’s really finishing last? The terms “nice” and “people-pleaser” have taken on a curious definition and connotation in the past few years, and yes it’s been mostly negative. Part of the reason that it’s negative is because when we see someone put other people’s values and priorities above their …

How to ACTUALLY win at dating games.

Raise your hand if you’re a fan of first dates. First dates that we’re actually excited about are typically a source of constant anxiety and nerves… and not for no reason. The most likely scenario is a couple of hours of disjointed “What about you”s and forced laughter. And they have cilantro stuck between their front teeth. But what about when we find someone that we actually hit it off with? She’s smart, charming, and actually shares your admittedly sick sense of humor. You have the same background, values, and you’ve never felt so comfortable with someone so quickly. No …