You entered the Friendzone; she didn’t put you there.

Stop me if this sounds familiar. You meet a hot girl or have an attractive female friend. Instead of making your intentions known explicitly, you only imply your affections, by treating her extremely well and always being there for her. You never make any sort of move on her. After a certain amount of figurative (and never literal) hand-holding and “best friend” hangouts, you secretly hope and expect her dependence and comfort with you turns into romantic love, and you skip straight to the ending of a Matthew McConaughey movie. Facepalming yet?

Nice guys don’t finish last, guys with Nice Guy Syndrome do.

Nice guys finish last. It’s a popular saying many guys use to justify their spot on the totem pole of women they desire. It’s also a misconception that’s up there with Obama’s origin of birth. What’s a nice guy? Nice guys are generally awesome – they’ll pick you up from the airport, help you with your groceries, and volunteer to go on a beer run if necessary. Other guys like nice guys, and women certainly like nice guys. Most self-proclaimed nice guys are actually just afflicted with Nice Guy Syndrome, and feel like they are cheated out of a fair …

4 Ways Introverts Can Rule The Dating Game

Let’s face it, the extrovert ideal is pretty much society’s conception of an attractive, confident male. He tells stories, makes people laugh, and generally works the room like a social butterfly. When you think of the ultimate alpha male, it’s almost always an extrovert, isn’t it? But that’s very few of us innately, so does that mean that we’re destined to be less attractive in the eyes of our potential mates? Of course not. One of the greatest myths is that the extrovert is automatically the most attractive man in the room. Introverts have a wide range of strengths, and …

The reason that women date the way they do.

Suppose you have two friends, Angela and Ben, who have split up after being together for 10 months. They are equally attractive, and everyone remarked that they “looked good together.” Now fast forward to 2 months post-breakup. How do Angela and Ben’s lives differ at this point? Ben works hard in the gym to regain his mojo and turns his attention to his hobbies he once enjoyed solo. He’s looking forward to meeting new girls, and finally worked up the nerve to ask that cute barista for her phone number. He might have gone on 1-2 dates in the past …

Dating Apps, Rejection, and Hooking Up

Thanks to KALW radio, especially host Joseph Pace and producer Sarah Stodder, for inviting me to speak on dating apps and modern dating. The World of Dating Apps – KALW Radio A very brief summary of the in-depth discussion after the break:

3 Communication Tips to Increase Emotional Intimacy and Prevent Conflict

From our youth, we’ve heard that communication is the bedrock and foundation upon which any healthy relationship is built. Nothing else even comes close, not even that 21-year old yoga instructor that is “up for anything.” Significant others fill a myriad of roles, most of which are characterized by the ability to openly and honestly communicate. Best friend? Check. Biggest cheerleader and supporter? Check. Confidant? Check. Lover? Check and double check. Nothing new here, right? Except the problem is that for how much communication is rightfully emphasized, we’re never taught exactly how to foster and nurture such a relationship with …

4 Ways To Plan A Date She Can’t Wait To Tell Her Friends About

Being immensely in touch with my emotional side and comfortable with my sexuality, I watch The Bachelor (a reality television dating show) regularly. In my opinion, there’s really no bang for buck better entertainment value than shows like that. And of course, working professionally in dating and relationships, there are some startling lessons we can gain from such a show. Primarily, chemistry can absolutely, 100% be created. On The Bachelor, the participants are sent on some objectively crazy-ass dates with the bachelor. Against all odds and logic, every one of them ends up falling head over heels for him while …

5 Mistakes Guys Make When Messaging Women Online

Remember that Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan classic from 1998, You’ve Got Mail? That was online dating in its true infancy. For context, a little company called Google was also founded in 1998… So what has changed in the world of online dating since? We’ve got fancier and more sleek looking apps and websites as opposed to clunky chatrooms. Mobile has taken the forefront of innovation. We’ve curiously become simultaneously more instant gratification-driven (Tinder) yet desire curation (from Coffee Meets Bagel, to Tawkify and Three Day Rule). But sadly, in my experience as a dating and online dating coach, it …

The ONE profile picture you cannot do without.

[Originally appeared at the Coffee Meets Bagel blog] “Make sure you have a wide range of pictures to show your personality!” Probably something you’ve heard before. I don’t know… the concept of the picture checklist – a social picture to show that you’re not a shut-in an outdoorsy picture to show your sense of adventure an activity picture to show your physical fitness, etc. – is so… 2011, for lack of a better term. Now that online dating is slightly out of its infancy, we’ve learned a little bit more about what actually works and what doesn’t.

Your first message should be purely functional.

[Originally posted at the Coffee Meets Bagel blog] Often with online dating, we wait to message someone because we are hunting for the perfect opener. An hour goes by… then a day… then a couple more… and then, wait! Is it too late to message now? Cue the wallowing in self-pity and hail Mary message that reeks of panic and desperation. Analysis paralysis is very real in online dating. While there are highly-optimized and better message options than the “Hey” “Sup bb” and “how r u”s of the world (Refer to my CMB book or contact me for more detail, …